Q. Why did you kick bat boy off the surf team?
A. First of all, let me make this clear, I DIDNT kick him off the team. We got into a heated "conversation" after he tried to bite my neck and then he said that he would only surf in contests if it was dark...he ended up quiting to persue his career in curling in hopes to compete in the next winter Olympic games
Q. Have you made anymore advancements in your new line of boards that have guinea pig brains installed in them?
A. No. They are basically the same as regular boards except they eat a lot of leafy greens and poop little "good & plenty" size turds everywhere.
Q. Do you hope that you will be bigger then Al Merrick one day?
A. Ha! I already am. Shoot, by the time I was 15 I was already 6'2. I think i am bigger then a lot of shapers, and professional surfers for that matter, but i dont really see how that is an advantage, so this question makes no sense to me.
Q. Are you going to pursue shaping boards for the masses this year?
A. Well, I haven't had a lot of business from the roman catholic church, but i am not oppose to putting a couple of sticks in there for them.
Q. I heard it said that you will break peoples knee caps if they dont pay up. Is that true?
A. What kind of person do you think i am? the truth of the matter is, I write "so and so's knee caps" on my popsicle stir sticks, then i start snapping them in a mass psychotic frenzy...thats what my therapist told me to do. But I can honestly say, in the words of marvin gaye and tammi terell..."aint nothing like the real thing, baby"
Q: why do you refuse to build boards for people that drive yellow hummers?
A: the answer is in the question, my friend. when i can freely carry my hot pink AK-47 down the street they can drive their hunk of junk too.
Q: do you think that fins make a difference?
A: like that stupid saying that they would put on posters all over school..."shoot for the stars"...no, it wasnt that one, it was, "we all can make a difference"...well, when you combine that statement with another cliche, "great things come in small packages.", you may deduce that a fin set up can make a difference in this crazy world that we live in. for example, if someone was robbing a bank and i had a fin with me, i could use it like a throwing star and decapitated him or her (sorry, i try to be politically correct here), or scrape him/her , or at least give him/her a nasty bruise...not only could i be a hero for 12 seconds on the evening news, i would have used my fins to make a difference.
Q: do you let people smoke in the shop?
A: only after i have jumped in a pool of gasoline, head butted a steel bear trap, and inserted AA batteries into my nose...while we're on a spree of doing nonsensical things, we might as well keep the ball rolling
